A Loco Viewpoint
Shaggy Dog Tale
As soon as Cupcake opened her mouth and said those five little words, my heart sank. This shouldn't be a surprise since Cupcake's pronouncements are often the iceberg to my Titanic ego. (Sorry… too soon?)
"We’re not getting a dog," she said in a tone that allowed no debate.
My first reaction was a shrug. I didn't want a dog anyway. Cupcake had made it clear, for some time now, we were not getting a dog. In fact, she stated her declaration so vehemently, an eavesdropper would have gotten the idea we were actually haggling over the concept, which we weren’t. I found her statement rather odd until suddenly, the cold fist of realization socked me in the gut. It hurt. It dawned on me at that moment; Cupcake had decided to get a dog. Might as well play along, I thought. At least I might discover when we’ll get it and what kind it might be.
"Okay," I shrugged. "I’m good with the no dog policy. I don't have time to train one anyway. Besides, we’re getting into late fall and more difficult to convince a puppy to go outside to do their doody.”
“And I do not want a male dog,” Cupcake continued her monologue. “I find it disgusting when they hump people’s legs. I won’t have a boy dog.”
“Uh huh,” I agreed, knowing what’s good for me. “Whatever you say, Hon; no male dogs. That’s just craziness.”
“Though the boy puppies are kind of cute,” her eyes looked far off, as if recalling a happy memory. “All furry and snuggly…”
I sighed my, ‘may as well get to the point’ sigh and plunged in.“You’ve seen some puppies recently, haven’t you?” I asked her accusatorily. “I didn’t want to look at them,” she whimpered.
“Where did you see puppies?” I demanded. “I thought we agreed; we weren’t getting a dog. We agreed it’s too much trouble and cost. We agreed you wouldn’t go near puppies knowing if you did, your face would look just like it does now.” “But, Hon,” she wailed, “They’re so adorable with their little snuffly noses…”
“Who did this to you? It was that Heather at work, wasn’t it?” I snapped. “Were they on her smartphone or did she bring them to the office?” “Well, just on the smartphone,” she simpered. “At first…”
“At first?” I was aghast. “Oh man, that means you’ve been in contact with the puppies, haven’t you?” “Uh huh,” she sniveled. “And you have already fallen in love with one of them haven’t you?” I kept up the inquisition unmercilessly.
“No,” her voice wavered. “I’ve fallen in love with all of them! I am crushed we can only have one.” “So, you have already committed us to getting another dog?” I frowned.
“Committed is such a strong word,” she returned valiantly. “I told Heather we would discuss it.” “Tell me the truth,” I challenged her, “You actually told Heather that we will discuss it and then we will take the puppy, didn’t you? It’s a foregone conclusion.”
“No, it’s not too late to back out,” she sniffed. “We have buyer’s remorse laws in Alberta. I can put a stop payment on the cheque.”
“You’ve already written the cheque?” I was flabbergasted. “Puppies are a member of the family for a very long time. It isn’t a decision to be made unilaterally. You’ll go off to work every day and leave me stuck with the puppy and the housework and never take me anywhere because you don’t want to leave the puppy with a sitter.”
“Oh, don’t be ridiculous,” she said softly. “I realized I had acted I haste and feel very badly about it. Therefore, I thought that the only fair thing to do would be for you to meet the puppies, too.”
“Now that’s hitting below the belt,” I countered. “You know as well as I do, I’m no better at fending off puppy love than you are. This is a set up!”
“Come on,” Cupcake cajoled. “You will love them. Heather is bringing them out this weekend. You have to at least meet the little guy.”
“Guy?” I was non-plussed. “I thought you were dead set against having a boy dog. Something about humping, if I remember correctly.”
“Well, the female is spoken for and besides, remember Daisy used to hump pillows and slippers and the occasional foot,” Cupcake pointed out. “Gender is no guarantee of proper dog behavior. They sniff butt as a greeting, after all.”
“I’m glad humans never ended up with that behavior,” I mused. “That would be socially awkward. Plus I have a bad hip which makes bending over difficult.”
So Heather and her friend Sam came out for an afternoon along with three tiny Shih Tzu puppies (as if there is such a thing as large Shih Tzu puppies.) There were two males, both with regular noses; one brown and white, the other black and white as well as an all black girl with smooshed-in nose. I didn’t know how they viewed my nose.
“So which one do you want, Hon?” Cupcake asked mischievously. “That is, if you want one at all.”
“This is really unfair,” I said as a black and white ball of fluff licked my face. “We’ll take this one if we can call him Fang.”
“We’re not calling him Fang,” Cupcake stated flatly. “I want to call him Groban.”
“Oh for heaven’s sake,” I scoffed. “That’s the most ridiculous name ever. I get that you like Josh Groban but I draw the line there.”
“We won’t discuss such a contentious issue in front of guests,” Cupcake said primly. “But this will be decided before our baby comes home to stay. As long as our baby is named Fang.”
other articlesIt’s A Wonderful Play
The Beaker Report
Halloween is Sweet
Just Call me “Tubby”
Encounter at a Funeral
It’s a Wonderful Life
Living Among Zombies
Jack & Jill Baby Shower
A Story about George
Pushing Mom Around
Sleeping was in Tents
Zucchini Gang Rides Again
A Luau To Remember
The Gazebo from Hell