Dear reader,

I am writing to you from a hotel in Calgary as I take part in the latest district Toastmaster’s conference.  I am pleased to report that the conference is going nothing like I had imagined.  

You probably don’t recall – likely because you weren’t there – how my club’s president asked if anyone was interested in attending the spring conference, paid for by the club.  Well, I’m always up for new things and so I raised my hand eagerly.  It wasn’t until I turned around that I realized I was the only one!  I guess I’m going solo.

This is not the first event I’ve ever attended sans a ‘plus one.’  I might even say that I’m a seasoned professional.  But I’ve usually at least had some semblance of a friend around.  This time, I was truly going it alone.

I’m sure you can well imagine my trepidation.  In my imagination, this is how the weekend goes:  I arrive in a large hall full of various-sized crowds of people, chatting away cheerfully.  I approach to meet the group.  All of the sudden things get weird.  I can tell my presence has disrupted the atmosphere, and the conversation stalls.  I move on to another group… who ignore my presence entirely.  I silently excuse myself, not that it was necessary, and move on to a third group.  They stop immediately and stare.  “Who are you?” asks a brusque voice, coming from nowhere in particular.  I sheepishly introduce myself, but the group has dispersed and quickly I am left standing in no man’s land, grasping my cocktail and trying my best not to look like a loser.  

Yes, I am truly afraid of this exact scenario, or worse.  I’ve decided to seek help (and not the kind that might assist me in being less delusional about being excluded).  I asked the best networker and all-around outgoing guy I know, my co-worker Jason, for some tips.

I’ve seen Jason in action.  He seems completely unafraid of people (and groups of people) in their natural habitat.  I am in awe of Jason’s abilities to easily approach them, engage them in conversation even, and many times he even becomes one of them.  In this situation, Jason is my best hope of survival.

He breaks down some of the things he does to ensure maximum success at a conference or event, such as contacting some of the participants ahead of time to ask for a coffee date.  I try this.  The only person I’ve had contact with in the past… isn’t attending the conference.

Alright, to plan B.  I’m just going to have to be friendly.  But I am friendly I argue with myself.  I just don’t like talking to people.  Well, Jason’s top tips don’t fail me here.  He suggests more listening and asking than anything.  What am I interested in learning from these people?  What’s different about them?  What do we have in common?  What can they teach me?  I subtly write questions in pen up both arms, hoping that I never run out of things to ask, and I decide to delve in.  If I’m going to make this conference fun for me, then I will have to go out of my comfort zone and be proactive.

Well, I can’t say the greeter ladies weren’t a bit strange (they were) but they were also a lot of fun.  And I can’t say I didn’t know anybody (I did).  Inevitably, with my background, I always meet someone that I know or recognize vaguely from somewhere.  But the big surprise for me has been the great engaging conversations I’ve had with men at this conference.  

Being a single lady might be partially attributable to the fact that I am terrified of speaking to guys.  Somehow, circumstances aligned such that I was in closed proximity to many different, interesting, attractive and well-spoken men.  How could I not have a great experience?  

I must admit, I was a little surprised at just how great my experience was.  People seemed friendlier than I’d ever experienced at a conference before.  Conversations seemed more interesting. 

But I acknowledge that this didn’t happen by accident.  I prepared for this great experience: I asked for help ahead of time. I didn’t get discouraged. Most importantly, I decided to make it happen.

It’s amazing what can happen after a decision is made.  My actions are different and the entire outcome of a situation is different.  

Are there situations for which you’d like to create a different outcome?  It doesn’t take great knowledge; you can get that from friends, books or the Internet.  It doesn’t take an iron will, though will power can be helpful.  It doesn’t even take a plan.  Plans come, and many times, plans need to be changed mid-course anyway.

 

All it takes is the desire for a different experience, and then the decision to make it happen.